I AM A SUCCESS

Today I realized something profoundly important. I've been through a lot of ups and downs in my life, but today I realize that I have made it on a monumental scale. While I've had my own self-named national network TV show, and been a fraction away from my dream of becoming a cast member of SNL, not to mention certain sexual conquests that have been above and beyond what the ordinary man dreams, just today it all became clear that I am a huge success. And why, dear reader? Well, Tom Cruise is advertising on my site. That's right, Mr. Tom Cruise box-office-star, Oprah Loving, Scientology spokesperson is advertising on CinemaSaville.com.

That means that Mr. Cruise is personally endorsing me as a man of great magnitude in this world of Show business. So soon I'll probably be hanging out with him and Katie up at their place in Colorado, or even co-starring with Tommy boy in some upcoming big screen epics. Wow, this is super glory at it's best. And not only that, but it comes on that same day that chubby gay guys looking to date each other are also advertising on my site.

So that means...uh...what exactly does that mean? Check back for more later, I'm gonna go ask my new buddy Tom what that means, because quite frankly that's a little disturbing, I mean not that I have anything against chubby gay guys, but does that mean that my predominant audience here is or are chubby gay men? And does that then mean that Tom Cruise is reaching out to that audience so he can get them to come to his website? I am so fucking confused right now, I have to lay down, and take a valium, if you're chubby and gay and/or Tom Cruise please contact me ASAP so I can figure this shit out, because I'm trying to run a business here not some kind of Chubby Gay Guy Scientology cult meeting for Chrissake.