@ Last

By Jeremy / On May.29.2012 / In funny Clever / Width

at sign

I liken my career to the @. It was around for years, but was more of a novelty used for notation by a select few. Unlike the simple and straightforward – it was more complex, and therefore rarely fully understood. It was incredibly obscure, but those that dug it really appreciated it, and while other symbols like * had been huge stars, and in the public consciousness for years, the @ was relatively unknown. Even the #, which at first gained fame as the tic-tac-toe board, and then later picked up the gig as spokessymbol for numerical values, before it’s career got shot into superstardom with the advent of the key pad phone was much more popular. An interesting * to the pound sign saga is that when it did change it’s name to the “pound sign”, a lot of people lost touch with it, disconnecting from it’s meaning and relevance to the point where it’s manager implored it to change the name to “the symbol formerly known as the tic-tac-toe board”. It also had an identical twin known as the number sign that people still confuse it with to this day. But eventually the # did take off into the stratosphere as functions like voice mail started to emerge. It went from the useless key on the bottom right side of the key pad to indispensable, functional luminary of the symbol world. But while # and others flourished, gaining all the limelight, the @ still languished in obscurity, struggling to gain respect as a really useful member of symbolic society. Occasionally it was able to pick up the odd gig as a substitute for profanity in cartoon strips alongside !#%* and ?, but it was more atmospheric work than anything where it stood out from the crowd. At one of the {}s punctuation parties, some of the others whispered about it’s bizarre shape, and how it was kind of pointless in that it represented a word that was only a letter longer than itself, and ridiculed it. Both © and ® mercilessly called it practically useless, a wannabe circled letter that never quite made it. Superstars like $ and % joked about how it was worth 0% of $1. The & comforted it, and told it how it had struggled for years with it’s fringe, but eccentric usage until the “A & P” market had rescued it from obscurity onto at least part of the national stage. Even the ¿, the queer Spanish cousin of the regular ? mentioned how a niche market could be exceptionally satisfying, and it wasn’t important that everyone understood what you were. It then asked it how it was doing, but made sure to place himself before the actual question. Even the venerable . the undisputed king of the symbols lamented that with success comes challenges, and how in it’s case it had always struggled with having to share it’s name with a woman’s menstrual cycle. The : the .’s younger brother chimed in with “I’d give anything to share a name with a menstrual cycle. How’d you like to be synonymous with an asshole?” ; said “I’ve heard so many colon cancer jokes I can’t even count them”. The “ mentioned how much it hated being abused by people who used their fingers to mock it, delineating sarcasm as in “boyfriend” or “supposedly gay”. Just then ( and ) the eternally married coupled, tried to sandwich ! to create a very kinky symbol which few understood. (!) Yet still @ persisted, thinking one day it’s time would come, and people would realize it’s full value. And then, just as @ was getting evicted from a few science journals by some hot new symbol- the call came. . called and said, “Listen, I’m part of this new thing called the web. They want me to be their spokesymbol, and I get to shed that stupid period moniker for the hip new dot brand. Go on Dot said @. Well they were asking me if I had any friends who might be right for a huge position that’s available. “Yes. And?” @ asked excitedly. “Well while I’m going to be a part of every site, there’s this new thing called e-mail.” @ got the chills as it realized this was it. It knew it was different, and had always felt ahead of it’s time, and now it’s time had come. And @ was now going to be a huge huge star- part of this future where it was central to so many people’s lives. No more would it go unrecognized and unappreciated. It would be there right between people’s names and their addresses as in JohnSmith@home. Nobody could get to them unless they went through it. It would be on the same line as the godfather of symbols period, I mean dot. Yeah : ; and ( ) would have new careers as emoticons, but @ was an undeniable superstar now. Little children now learn it’s name, and learn how to write it properly. It’s prominent on every keyboard and messaging and communication device in the universe. And it’s legacy is strong. The @ story is one for the ages. And my story is the same. And to you I say- I am Jeremy Saville @ your service.